Deep in Thought

18 months ago Riley came home from her 6 week stay in the NICU at John Muir hospital.  Life is pretty much normal now, but lately I've been deep in thought about something and I thought I'd share... see what you think.

When Riley was at John Muir we spent a lot of time there obviously and so we became very familiar with all the nurses.  One of them was a nurse named Jerry.  We loved her and we would talk for hours while I held my baby.  One day while we were talking I made the comment to her that I just wanted my life back!  She responded by saying, "Honey, this is your life!".  That hit me.  Here I was exhausted, emotionally drained, and desperate to get off the roller coaster ride of having my daughter in the hospital and seeing her progress only to digress a few days later.  It was miserable and difficult but she was right...that was my life.  I had to acknowledge that "life"isn't just the good times, the fun times, the times when things go exactly as we want them to and everything turns out just the way we'd planned.  Life is well, life.  It's every day.  It's every trial.  It's every ending.

So lately what I've been pondering is how we embrace that.  Is it possible to love life even when things aren't how we'd like?  Even when our lives take drastic turns from the path we thought we were on?  I think it is.  Now easier said than done, because (knock on the biggest piece of wood I can find) things are pretty good right now.  But I've determined that we can love life regardless of the details if we focus on the overall purpose.

Let me use an example to explain what I mean.  As a stay-at-home mom I have HARD days!  Previously mentioned little miss Riley, can be the sweetest little thing in the world and can make us laugh like nothing else and then without warning she can become the most difficult, most ornery little girl in the history of little girls!  She can be challenging and some days with her are long and hard.  Not to mention, some days it seems like cleaning the house is the biggest waste of time ever because it stays clean for only a few seconds before it looks like I've done nothing.  That can be very frustrating to say the least.  But with all those challenges, I wouldn't trade staying home with my kids for anything in the world.  That's because I can see the bigger picture of what I'm doing.  I know that changing dirty diapers are not the end all be all of my existence and purpose.  I stay home with them because I am raising strong, righteous women who will contribute to the goodness of the world and will fulfill their purpose here on earth and no one will love my daughters or teach them those things they way I will.

I'd like to think it can be that same way on much larger scale with life in general.  We will have bad days, months, years or even some things that change the rest of our lives here on earth forever.  And I don't think for a second that we shouldn't feel the pain or stress from those things.  We should and we will because that is part of being human.  I just mean I hope that in those times we can remember why we are here.  We know that even hard times are part of the plan of salvation and part of the journey that is taking us back to our final destination, eternal life. And that somehow that knowledge can be an umbrella of joy even when sorrow and pain is raining down around us.

Am I dreaming here? Does any of this make sense?  I think it does.  I hope it does.  I don't really want bad times to come just to be able to try it out. But really I think this is a lesson we can learn in good times as much as bad.  Our purpose here on earth doesn't change depending on the circumstances of our days.  And I guess that is my point.  My "life" is the sum total of all the parts, be them good, bad, happy, sad, difficult or easy. Life is a blessing and some how we need to learn to "come what may and love it".